Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Dilemma (爱到)
Different people have different perceptions, which are based on how they are brought up. This is something that I learnt from my Bcomm3 today. I understand that it had somehow become a habit for her, and I seriously hope that she can change for me. I can be carefree, but I choose to care. Why? Cos' I value my relationship with her now. It's not about whether a relationship restrict someone from having friends with the opposite gender. I am also not the type of person that restrict my gf from talking to male friends. Reasons? Cos' I would put myself in their shoes. What if I was her? How will I feel if my gf restricts me of doing a lot of things? I would lie down on my bed, thinking of all the answers to these questions, before determining my course of actions. In simple term, it means, what I will do so that the other party won't feel insecure.
Because of Stanley, me and bi~ had quarreled to the extent that she hurt herself with a penknife. I really don't want the same to happen again. It really pains me when I saw the scar. I know that I am the cause of all these troubles, and I am trying to find a remedy to it. I really wants to solve this problem peacefully. I also know bi~ had been rather stressful nowadays, with family and her studies alike. I really don't want to stress her anymore. I would rather take on the stress myself. I find that I am beginning to lose myself. Can penknife really solve all problems? Or does sleeping pills really work? Or should I just take panadols with beer? I have high hopes on every relationships that I get into. This time is no exception. I understand the fact that the higher we hope, the greater we fall. But I just want to keep believing, in myself and my gf, despite me falling all the times, with the impact of each fall not getting any less painful. Honestly, the defense mechanism in me, is starting to build up again, so as to 'cushion' my fall if anything were to happen. "一日被蛇咬, 十年怕井绳". I really dare not tell bi~ about this. I really don't know what kind of imaginations she will have, if I told her. And Yes! I know she will read this. But I just want to get this off my chest, at least for a short time.
Bi~ if you are reading this, I am sorry for not telling you all these. I really treasure you and our relationship. I don't want this to affect us. I am sorry for hiding the truth from you. Sorry :(
DarKnight @ 5:10 PM
