Whatever it may be, I want to know if all these are my imagination or it really occurs to me. I used to have the thoughts of suicide to end all the sufferings I am going through, but if it wasn't for wifey, I might not even be here. She wanted to be with me even when I am dead. I can't be selfish. I hate the way I am now, and really wanted so much to go back to who I used to be. I want to be the one that seems like nothing in this world can ever beat me down, and the happy-go-lucky type of person, instead of being who I am now, and that wondering if I really got these mental conditions. I had been trying to find out what exactly is wrong with me, and the closest symptoms related to my problems seems to be what known as Panic Disorder. Not confirmed yet, and don't even dare to think about it. One line came to my attention: "Recalling a past attack may trigger panic attacks.", something which I will not hide, and did happened to me.

Whatever it is, I cannot let this continue on. I want to have my life back. I can't keep making people worry for me. I must know if I really have Panic attacks or whatever the problems they may be.