Ever since young, I had long wanted peace and harmony within my own family. But I guess... All these are just wishful thinking. Whenever you had problems outside, you can be sure that family are the ones that will stand by you. Well... Maybe in most cases, yes! But not in mine. Allowing the issues of money to break the relationship which is supposed to be unbreakable, this is just ridiculous.

They (My parents) seems to reject to everything I do. I just find it hard to consult, or even approach them for any help. To me, they are a complete strangers. They may not feel it, and they always claims that they treats me and my brother the same. Whether or not if this is the case, only they know it. Financially, if I am able, I would like to support myself, and not depends on them. The reason for me to choose to study part-time, is cos I wanted to show them I can be independent. I don't want to give them the impression that I must always depends on them. To them, they felt that they had done enough to provide me from primary school to polytechnic, but this is not I wanted. I could not feel the love that they give me. In my impression, it seems like everything about me revolves around money, to them. Maybe, just maybe, it is cos of this feeling that they failed to give me, makes me feel a bit rebellious towards them.

In camp, in a place where you least expected to find the feeling of love, I am lucky enough to find one. My superior, Staff Muruga, is a fatherly-like figure to me. Whenever I did wrong, no doubt he will scold as my superior, but he never stop believing in me. It makes me feel even more guilty for not doing my job right.
My gf, Yi Ting, she is the first girl that makes me feel loved. The combination of these 2 feelings, to love and to be loved, is not easy to come about for me, after having gone through so many failed past relationships. When we first got together, I thought that it may not even last for more than 2 months, just like the other relationships I had. But she proved me wrong. Up till date, our relationship is 2 years 5 months old (903 days).
My grandma, who looked after me since young while my parents work. I may be a little bit rebellious towards her at times, I know... When I need someone who shares the same blood with me, she is the one. This is the closest kind of kin love I can get, and she really supports me in everything. Cos of this, it really boils me up when my parents said something bad or hurtful about her. I mean... Where is all the family harmony that I always wanted since young?

I may not receive love from who I am supposed to receive from, but the people I mentioned above, they give me the feel which I could not have from my parents. They didn't even know a single thing about my well-being, and only when things happen, and when people start questioning, then they asked me about it. I mean... Come on! Why has it got to be this way?

DarKnight @ 9:50 PM