This blog recorded all my happy, sad, frustrated, depressing and all kinds of emotions that I had throughout my life, in which I had no one to talk to about it, and I would keep it to myself and vent it all out here, to prevent myself from exploding inside.

To be honest, I had no idea if I even have depression at this point of my life. Went out to take a breather just now at Jurong Point, and slowly walked back home. But once I reached home, I had this depressing feeling which I cannot explain myself. It seems when I heard or saw people talking happily and laughing at home, or even if anything good happening within the household (including my relatives), that depressing feeling kind of kicks in, and I felt so frustrated. I really had no idea why and how to deal with it. I felt like I am going crazy, and it would be better for me to just vanish from the surface of this Earth. The only time I felt at ease was in the shower, and of course, in the comfort of my own room. Even the person I thought I can have a future with, left me. Come to think of it, it was since that day when I began to feel not right about myself. I guessed I had been hiding it for too long, and that might be the reason I felt the way I felt. Despite reassurance from friends and relative about how lucky I am to be to escape from her, it was not really working, though I thought it was working. To have a whole future came crumpling down on you, it was not a minor thing, or something which can easily be forgotten in a short while, I guess. My only regret is that I acted too fast, which resulted in my current emotional state. Plus, the loss of jobs, it really did not help much to my current state.

There is a helpline in Singapore called "Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)". It was recommended to me by one of my ex colleagues back in Standard Chartered Bank (SCB). And it is a 24 hours helpline, which helps people who are depressed or think that they are having depression. I am struggling whether to reach out to them for help, or it is all in my mind, for now.