It had been a rough year for me, and finally we are entering the final 2 weeks of the year. Things had not been going very smoothly for me, and I find myself struggling a lot, alone, for the whole of this year, to the extent which I forget how to be myself again. Most notably was what happened to me in September. To conclude this year, things don't exactly go the way I wanted it to be.

I was at Jurong Point's Popular Bookstore while waiting for my friends for dinner, when I came across this book "When Things Don't Go Your Way" - By Haemin Sunim. I read the first chapter of this book and was hooked to its content. I could not help myself but to buy this book home and to continue reading. As for the reason why, I was so hooked after reading the first chapter was that I can somehow relates to it. There is this voice in my head that told me to get it as I need this more than ever, and that this book will help me, one way or another. I went home and did a bit of research on the author, and realized that the author is a Zen Buddhist monk, as well as a teacher.

The very first chapter of the book is about fear of abandonment and seeking validation from others. Be it in any kind of relationships I might had been in in the past, the fear of abandonment and seeking validation from others, had never left me. It is this fear of abandonment that causes me to keep seeking for others' approvals. In love, in order to seek validation from my other half, I had always spent mindlessly even if that person was clearly using me. This is a result of me fearing of being alone, fearing of being abandoned and left behind if I couldn't reach someone's expectations. And because of this, it causes me to make stupid decisions which I never thought I would ever made. In all my life, I am always looking for validations from parents, lover, friends, colleagues and more. I had never once slowed down my pace and asked myself, "What do I want/need?".

Other than the above mentioned, it discusses other subjects, revolving around growth and self-discovery. This book is like no others. It really brings out the warmth, equivalent to a warm hug which I really needed in times like this. To be honest, I was hoping to share the review of this book, chapter by chapter, and how the contents really helped me. I guess that's all for tonight. I am off to re-read the first chapter of the book again :)