I didn't really expect to start my first 2025's entry this way. But well, I did. After 2 years 7 months since we broke up, and forfeited our BTO, I saw her again in Koufu after my dinner today. Strangely enough, I thought I hated her for whatever she did to kill our 2 years+ relationship, but no. When I saw her, I really wanted to go talk to her and asked her how she was, but I could not pick up my courage to do so. I sat behind her, with just 1 table separating both of us, and her back facing me. All the past memories came back to me. When I first saw her for the first time after so long, I really wanted to ignore and just go straight home, but there is a certain unknown force that pulled me back. Maybe I am just glad that I was able to see her again after so long.

Jolene is not a perfect girl that everyone expected to her to be. And I admit she does have a lot of shortcomings which many people, including my friends and family, deemed as unacceptable. But to me, she is the one. Well, at least she was. Everyone expects me to not dwell on this, or not to have any more feelings for her anymore. It is easy for people to say but for the person/people involved, it is not as easy as it seems to be. This is also the main reason why I kept my true feelings hidden, because not everyone accepts the way I feel, and they tend to reprimand me for the way I feel, invalidating all my feelings. One thing I learnt was not to expect anyone validating my feelings, except myself.

Honestly, right now, I am having mixed feelings too. For all the things she did, I really hope everything is well for her. If she already has a boyfriend, I really hope that boyfriend can treat her as well as I did, or even better than me treating her when we were together. 1 thing can be very clear though. I do not hate her for ending everything that I was hoping we both could have. If anything, if there is a chance, I really don't mind restarting everything with her again from the beginning. But I will need to make it clear that I will need to finish and graduate from my degree before restarting with her from the beginning again. That is if it could ever happen.